Jon Stewart reflected on the state of Donald Trump‘s war against Iran on the one-month anniversary of the conflict on the latest episode of The Daily Show, blasting the president for being “fucking indulgent.”
“As we all know, one month is the elevated threat anniversary,” Stewart said as he opened his monologue. The host then reminded viewers that it’s actually been Trump who has elevated the threats. “Trump is threatening to escalate our bombing campaign unless Iran opens the Strait that they closed in response to Trump’s bombing campaign,” he said. “I believe we’ve entered what General Patton used to refer to as the ‘human centipede portion’ of the war.”
Stewart explained that the closure of the Strait of Hormuz is disrupting global supply chain, so of course people would prefer it be opened. He played a news clip where one newcaster lamented that pistachios are lean supply, which means less Dubai chocolate bars being made.
“Oh, no? What will our influencers stand in line to pretend to eat?” Stewart responded. “Dubai chocolate, by God, that’s been an American staple for tens of days. I can’t believe how the news has to frame world events to try and make Americans care. The whole region is being flattened, innocent people are dying, their food and fuel are in total chaos, and our news is like, ‘If this goes on any longer, say goodbye to your stuffed-crust pizza.’”
Stewart mocked Trump’s inability to focus on the war, noting that it didn’t stop him “from doing his rounds at the golf course and at a Saudi investment meeting in Miami.” “Because God forbid, during a war, he let the precipice of World War III yuck his yum in any way,” Stewart said.
He added, “I find it so astounding that this nuclear-armed man baby doesn’t seem to have any understanding of the confusion and anxiety that his ill-planned adventure in Iran is causing this country. He’s just trucking along like it’s any old episode of The Apprentice.”
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Stewart explained that over the weekend Trump shared mock-ups of his new White House ballroom during a press conference on Air Force One, seemingly in response to a critical article in the New York Times. Stewart noted that Trump offer a “point-by-point rebuttal” about the ballroom, but can’t answer one question about the “dire consequences” of the war.
“Honestly, his leering behavior is less ‘commander-in-chief at war’ and more ‘grandpa who’s lost his filter in public,’” Stewart said. “Instead of assuaging a nervous nation, he’s just embarrassing the whole family at dinner, going ‘Hey, you see our waitress is a busty one!’”
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Stewart concluded his monologue, “All we keep hearing from this administration is why the American people have to sacrifice for Trump’s vision of America’s greatness. That these temporary disruptions are just part of the process. And why can’t we be patriots? We have to be patient. We have to suck it up. Whether its high gas prices or whimsical tariff inflation, or draconian ICE raids, or temporary Bill of Rights suspensions—it’s on us to understand. But Trump gets to be just the same ol’ ‘Ain’t I a stinker?’ Utterly self-absorbed, ‘Remember when I used to want to fuck hot girls?’ twat self. Can you imagine any other president, let alone a wartime president, being this fucking indulgent?”
